Tattered Page

As Thanksgiving approached, I started looking back over the past year on what I’m thankful for and who I’m thankful to.  I’ll get to thank my family and in-town friends in person, but there are plenty I’ll likely never see again.  Many of them probably don’t even realize they made any impact whatsoever.  Since much of this is related to gaming, this seems to be the best way to just say ‘thanks.”

I hope to spend some time leading up to and through the holiday recognizing as many of them as I can. 

I hope. Free time ISN’T something I can claim thanks for.

Gathering the Courage 

A few months ago, my company saw fit to send me to the Games, Learning, & Society Conference. We normally focus on courseware, but our online learning material is getting more and more blended with more complex learning games, and this was a great opportunity to get a feel for what’s really going on and find out exactly where we need to grow.

They don’t let me out much (for good reason), so I wanted to make the most of it.

I was a bit nervous….

…Allright, I was scared to death. 

As is often the case, my better half never doubted me, but she was hundreds of miles away.  Besides, as she’ll be the first to testify, I never listen.  I didn’t know anybody there and doubted anyone would recognize the name of an occasional commenter on a few obscure blogs and forums. My “academic” role stopped as an adjunct instructor at a community college. My “courseware development” was a far cry from game developer or programmer, and my ancient BA in Criminology was likely irrelevant to the Social Scientists present.

There was more than a little self-doubt.

Two days later, I flew home more confident than I could have imagined.  I was ready to meet the challenges we’re going to make at my employer’s- and chase after some of my own.  It gave me the push to start this blog, resurrect some of my old modding skills, tinker with Torque, explore the workings of Multiverse, and really experiment a little.   Heck, I’ve even dusted off my old pen-n-paper material for inspiration.  I’m creating again.

Now, I’d read a bit before- dozens of books on design, from Bartle to Koster to two collections to Mulligan & Patrovsky.  Books on MUD programming, Direct X gaming, etc. All just curiousity, really- I have an insatiable appetite for reading this kind of stuff.  It makes for strange bedtime reading, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Never really intended to put it to much use.  Now, I’m starting to- even if it’s ”just learning games”… 

I have to give a big thanks to Brian “Psychochild” Green.

Psychochild was playing Guitar Hero when I ran into him at the conference. While many developers (understandably) would tire of hearing fans try to talk game design all the time, he was encouraging and engaging to everyone he encountered. He must’ve seen that I was a bit out of my element, because he kindly invited me along.  It was a blast- from Quivey’s Grove to downing pitchers at the Terrace, and I can’t thank him enough for not running away screaming.

That helped the nervousness dissipate. Each conversation just made things better. From the talks with the guys from Gamelab and Filament Games to the second-day’s lunchtable mayhem… to the irony of getting lost at the Terrace while following “Pathfinder” Linden…. to briefly helping Constance track down power outlets for all the people needing their WoW fix (I swear, the lights dimmed as all the powerstrips plugged in…)

The conference could have gone badly for me. I could have just drawn inward, hid in a corner, and gone home feeling entirely overwhelmed.

Thanks to all the great people that made it a success for me.

Thanks, too, to the regular blog readers- few as you are- that keep me encouraged as I continue the journey.

 

Once upon a time, I was young and overconfident and felt I could take on the world. I think we all go through that phase. The world struck back and left me reeling. I think we all experience that too- often, more than a few times… Sometimes, it takes a moment to gather your senses and remember that the fight isn’t over, the next round’s just started, and you gotta stick in there and keep swinging.

I’m sure there’s another walloping in store for me, but I’m ready for it.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006 at 4:37 am and is filed under Gaming, Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.